It’s time to get real. It’s time to talk about stuff. Yes, our stuff. Our collections. Our mementos. Our memories.
Last month I went into a hoarder’s house. I can’t call it her home, because it wasn’t. She may have slept there, but she definitely didn’t live there. She existed there. She may have been able to look around and see treasures, but to those of us who went to visit the house it was more hazard than home. Just like the television shows’ hoarders’ homes, the smell is overwhelming and the destruction is widespread. The neglect of the house is apparent, but what is really the most disturbing is the evidence of animal life that surrounds you. Mouse droppings are on everything, animal carcasses are wedged between layers of boxes and half of the soft things, like blankets and coats, are either chewed through or urine soaked. In all fairness, this is what I expected when I walked into this house. What I didn’t expect was her careful organization, her collections of high-end items and her love of office supplies and holidays.
It wasn’t until I started helping clear the house that I realized we had so much in common. I love to organize. Her things were categorized and neatly boxed, just like mine. She loved paper and envelopes and anything to keep her office going, just like me. She also loved the holidays. Halloween and Christmas decorations were in every room. Boxed up and neat. Tags still on. Just waiting to be part of the festivities. Have I mentioned I have three Christmas trees?
What’s the difference between me and this woman who let her treasures take over? To be honest, probably not much. I’ve always let my space dictate how much ‘stuff’ I could have. As our kids are leaving the nest, my husband and I have talked about downsizing. Truthfully, the thought of giving away, selling or even trashing my belongings is tough. Do I think I am a hoarder? No, but I think I may have some tendencies after visiting this house. If you have tendencies or issues with hoarding, I implore you to ask for help before it is too late.
One of the reasons a person can hoard is because they want to help others. They see an item and think, “I’ll give this to Ralph. He loves John Deere” or “I’ll donate this to …..” The problem arises when the items are never actually given away or donated. These are kind-hearted folks who just want to help others, but in this desire they lose sight of themselves and their families. Another hoarder may attach feelings or emotions to an item, for example, their child’s first lost tooth or even a cast from their first broken bone. Having a John Deere toy tractor laying around or a child’s tooth tucked away in a baby book isn’t the problem. It is when everything becomes a reason to save an item. Everything becomes valuable.
Don’t leave a legacy of dirt, debris and trash to your children. Be selective with what you keep. Their memories of a happy home, a smiling mother and time you’ve given them will make them much happier than a houseful of things ever could. To prove this point, it was strangers going through this woman’s home after she passed, not family members.
